Wednesday, November 6, 2024

City Considers Rebranding As “Toledo: Presented by ProMedica”

You will do better in Toledo, but what if you had even more help?

A controversial proposal will soon be discussed by city government.

In an effort to further revitalize the downtown area and move the city into the future, a proposal to rebrand the city using private funding will be considered.

“They’re thinking of calling it Toledo: Presented by ProMedica,” said an anonymous source. “The whole point is you can still just call it ‘Toledo’, but it will be a little different.”

As part of the proposal, Toledo: Presented by ProMedica would lead to a greener economy.

“Lots of green industry. Everyone will have something to do with that glowing, green future of eco-friendly whatever,” the source explained.

“More jobs. More parking. More lights. Same Toledo, just a new twist. Honestly, we just hope most people hardly notice the change.”

For more of our special (April Fools Day) Weekend Edition,
discover how Toledo’s highways stay rough for Jeepwhat will happen to Perrysburg if they open their goddamn
mouth again with some haughty shit
, or
Kroger’s new plans for the Secor and Monroe property. 

You will do better in Toledo, but what if you had even more help?

A controversial proposal will soon be discussed by city government.

In an effort to further revitalize the downtown area and move the city into the future, a proposal to rebrand the city using private funding will be considered.

“They’re thinking of calling it Toledo: Presented by ProMedica,” said an anonymous source. “The whole point is you can still just call it ‘Toledo’, but it will be a little different.”

As part of the proposal, Toledo: Presented by ProMedica would lead to a greener economy.

“Lots of green industry. Everyone will have something to do with that glowing, green future of eco-friendly whatever,” the source explained.

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“More jobs. More parking. More lights. Same Toledo, just a new twist. Honestly, we just hope most people hardly notice the change.”

For more of our special (April Fools Day) Weekend Edition,
discover how Toledo’s highways stay rough for Jeepwhat will happen to Perrysburg if they open their goddamn
mouth again with some haughty shit
, or
Kroger’s new plans for the Secor and Monroe property. 

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