Stoner food is slowly becoming a culinary category of its own. If I told my 16-year-old self this 9 years ago, she probably would have giggled, paused, and said “sorry… uh, can you repeat that? I wasn’t listening.”
But, alas, the future is here, and the flavors of the future are being decided by the people who love food the most: cannabis connoisseurs and alcohol enthusiasts. While Toledo’s legal laws are at parent-who-is-going-to-ignore-that-funny-smell level, there are plenty of options to satisfy your, uh, cravings.
Since February 2011, the HOE has helped resolve both the munchies, and the more specific empty-my-debit-card-for-something-melty craving that comes with the drunkies. They dish up hand-crafted, loved, labored, delicious, not-very-nutritious, gooey, greasy munchies at their absolute best.
“Our food philosophy is that there is no single right or wrong answer when it comes to flavor, except that you can't make good food out of bad food,” says Risher. “Quality ingredients are as important as the skill with which the food is prepared.”
Hungry? Take advantage of it. The HOE will soon close up shop at the Stube. While Risher says they will be back soon, with their next evolution landing downtown, the HOE's last day will land on their annual holiday— Saint Phatty’s Day on September 17. Hungry for chicken fried bacon and sweet potatoes, drunken bananas foster, pork belly poutine, and more? Stay tuned.
Before HOE takes their break, we encourage you to enter their world of carefree carbs and full-fat goodness— but first, prepare yourself. Enter the mind of a gluttonous maniac.
Every time I dine (read: shove food into my face) at The House of Eats, I have the following five thoughts:
1) “IS THIS BERRY SAUCE??? WHAT IS THIS???”
No, it’s ketchup. Seriously. To craft homemade ketchup, HOE chefs venture into a day long, tedious process— a seriously unreasonable thing to do unless you really love food prep. Fortunately, HOE chefs LOVE to prep, and the taste is incredible. Thinner and more fruity-flavored than the major brands, HOE’s ketchup is one of their many signature, homemade sauces that make you drool. See Bloody Mary Mayo for a similar example.
2) “Side of fries? Nah. Just throw them on top.”
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One week's special: Tater Tots with Bacon Country Gravy and Cheddar Cheese. $5 looks good.
Sure, I could get fried potatoes on the side…. but this ain’t your typical diner. At HOE, you can just have them “throw em on top.” Having a sandwich? Put fries inside of it. Soup? Add tater tots. Salad? Whatever. Palm of your hand? Your hat? Just do your thing.
3) “Finally… someone else agrees that mac n cheese is a sauce.”
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Yelp reviewer Michael C. explains "Mac n' cheese with chicken on top and tater tots on bottom." Damn, Michael. Damn.
Unless you’re a babysitter, mac n’ cheese isn’t impressive. Sure, maybe you made it from scratch. Whatever. Your at-home bowl of pride looks OK, but stop putting it on Instagram. Instead, HOE lets you put mac n’ cheese on top of fries. Or tots. Or chicken chunks. They firmly believe that this classic pasta dish can basically be used as a gluttonous dressing for food that is already unnecessarily caloric. We are thankful for this revelation.
4) “Hah! At least that guy’s food is more fattening than mine.”
It's ringing.
Stop kidding yourself. He might have lettuce under that mound of fried chicken and onion rings. Or something. I don’t know—and you don’t either. Forget that your mozzarella stick wrap or 10 inch sandwich is definitely going to require more than one lazy elliptical session at the gym— it’s OK. Just enjoy The Soul Food Coma. It’s all gravy. Literally.
5) “Will I regret this later?”
Probably. What did you think this was— a therapy session? Just eat.
The House of Eats is located inside The Bier Stube at 5333 Monroe St. | 419-841-6723 | Open 11am-2am daily.
Check out the menu online at houseofeats.com
