Fluffy had been silent for the past few weeks as her human, Mark Shannon of Sylvania, had been around the house much more often than he normally is. But now Fluffy has had enough.
“Seriously, he needs to get out of here,” Fluffy said in an interview. “I got stuff to do around here. Candles to knock off shelves, boxes to jump into, couch corners to sharpen on. It’s so much harder with this smelly human always around.”
Fluffy isn’t alone in her frustration. The Feline Enterprise for Rights in America and Lithuania (FERAL) said in a press release that 90% of Toledo area cats were upset by the constant presence of their humans over the past few weeks. The opinions of the other 10% were unknown because those cats just crumpled the survey up and batted it around a bit.
“It’s frustrating,” said Sammy, whose human, Kadence Fulton, hasn’t left the home in days. “I mean, all you want is a little peace and quiet around your own home and then these humans just stay here like they own the place. Excuse me, but who has put fur and urine everywhere? That would be me.”
The reason for the human’s constant presence remains a mystery to feline-kind, but cats everywhere can only hope that things get back to normal soon.
“I’m sorry, what was your question?” said Rosie, an 8-year-old calico, of Ottawa. “I lost my train of thought. Do you see that red light on the wall? I bet I can catch it this time. I know I can. CHARGE!!!!!!”