Toledo woman worried that “everyone is ignoring her.” Friends and family say “We are”

After years of flaking on her friends and family, the world has finally “caught on to Cynthia’s act,” says the Coalition of Cynthia’s Disgruntled Friends and Family (CCDFF). 

In retaliation for Cynthia’s “flaky, flighty behavior,” the CCDFF has unified with similar support groups around the world to create a “global shut-down of all Women Like Cynthia™.” 

“Like, obviously I love Cynthia, but she’s been so rude this past year. We wanted to retaliate, so we are,” said CCDFF secretary Janet, who previously served as Cynthia’s BFF for 20+ years. “She’s been so selfish, and we’re sick of it. She constantly cancels plans, never returns phone calls, and usually just texts me back hours later saying, ‘omg so sorry… i didn’t see this.’ Her behavior is a joke. Cynthia, we aren’t as dumb as you apparently think we are.” 

Cynthia’s mother and the CCDFF vice president shares Janet’s desire to “finally give Cynthia a taste of her own medicine.” “It’s tough love, but she needs to learn,” said Cynthia’s joyous mother. “I hate to do it, obviously, but I fully support the CCDFF and our goal of shutting down anything even remotely fun until Women Like Cynthia™ realize just how mean they can be.” 

As part of the CCDFF shut-down, restaurants, bars, boutiques, and other places Women Like Cynthia™ love to go remain closed. Even schools, including the college campuses that Cynthia is known to prowl for ‘sexy frat guys,’ have closed in solidarity with the CCDFF. 

The CCDFF urges the general public to comply with their directives, arguing that their extreme measures are not simply out of spite and that ignoring them will make Women Like Cynthia™ so much worse. “We know it is difficult and we greatly appreciate everyone’s cooperation. We hope that nobody will suffer the outlandish, self-centered behavior of Women Like Cynthia™ ever again.” 

Janet says she is excited to see if Cynthia will practice self-care during this unprecedented period of social isolation: “She always uses ‘self-care’ as an excuse to not hang out with me, even though we both know she’s just watching TV alone. Hey Cynthia, if you see this, try actually finishing a book for once. I dare you.”  

In response, Cynthia, a 33-year-old woman from Toledo, issued the following statement: “Whatever!”

After years of flaking on her friends and family, the world has finally “caught on to Cynthia’s act,” says the Coalition of Cynthia’s Disgruntled Friends and Family (CCDFF). 

In retaliation for Cynthia’s “flaky, flighty behavior,” the CCDFF has unified with similar support groups around the world to create a “global shut-down of all Women Like Cynthia™.” 

“Like, obviously I love Cynthia, but she’s been so rude this past year. We wanted to retaliate, so we are,” said CCDFF secretary Janet, who previously served as Cynthia’s BFF for 20+ years. “She’s been so selfish, and we’re sick of it. She constantly cancels plans, never returns phone calls, and usually just texts me back hours later saying, ‘omg so sorry… i didn’t see this.’ Her behavior is a joke. Cynthia, we aren’t as dumb as you apparently think we are.” 

Cynthia’s mother and the CCDFF vice president shares Janet’s desire to “finally give Cynthia a taste of her own medicine.” “It’s tough love, but she needs to learn,” said Cynthia’s joyous mother. “I hate to do it, obviously, but I fully support the CCDFF and our goal of shutting down anything even remotely fun until Women Like Cynthia™ realize just how mean they can be.” 

As part of the CCDFF shut-down, restaurants, bars, boutiques, and other places Women Like Cynthia™ love to go remain closed. Even schools, including the college campuses that Cynthia is known to prowl for ‘sexy frat guys,’ have closed in solidarity with the CCDFF. 

The CCDFF urges the general public to comply with their directives, arguing that their extreme measures are not simply out of spite and that ignoring them will make Women Like Cynthia™ so much worse. “We know it is difficult and we greatly appreciate everyone’s cooperation. We hope that nobody will suffer the outlandish, self-centered behavior of Women Like Cynthia™ ever again.” 

Janet says she is excited to see if Cynthia will practice self-care during this unprecedented period of social isolation: “She always uses ‘self-care’ as an excuse to not hang out with me, even though we both know she’s just watching TV alone. Hey Cynthia, if you see this, try actually finishing a book for once. I dare you.”  

In response, Cynthia, a 33-year-old woman from Toledo, issued the following statement: “Whatever!”