A few months ago, I got a text from a close friend that simply said, “Hey, can you talk?” No punctuation, no emojis, none of her usual meme-hilarity – just enough to let me know something wasn’t right. Instead of texting back, I responded with a call. What followed was a quiet moment on the other end of the line, then a voice I barely recognized. She was holding it together just enough to say, “I think I need help.”
We’ve all seen the headlines about the mental health crisis, about burnout, depression, anxiety—especially since the world turned upside down with the pandemic and everything that has followed. But those statistics feel distant until it’s someone you love. That day, mental health wasn’t my career or a hashtag or an awareness campaign. It was my friend, sitting in her car, too overwhelmed to go to work, wondering if she could keep pretending everything was fine. It’s easy to assume the people in our lives are doing okay. We exchange small talk, react to each other’s posts online, maybe even meet for coffee or lunch. But underneath that surface, so many people are carrying burdens we can’t see. I was reminded of that the hard way when my friend finally admitted she’d been struggling for months—smiling at meetings, helping other people, replying to texts—while
quietly unraveling inside. What struck me most was that reaching out didn’t come naturally for her.
On the contrary, she’s a “helper” who always knows the right thing to say to other people. She said she felt like she was failing for not “handling it” on her own. She didn’t want to be a bother. That maybe she wasn’t struggling badly enough to ask someone else for help. Those words broke my heart. I know her – she would never say them to another person if they were struggling, but here she was, indicting herself for being wounded. That isn’t really all that surprising, however. We don’t wait until someone is critically ill or injured before we take them to the doctor. Yet, when it comes to our mental health, we often believe we have to be at rock bottom before we deserve support or that if we are honest something irreparable will happen.
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That’s why I’m writing this. If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, numb, anxious, or anything in between—please know that reaching out is not weakness. It’s wisdom. You are not alone. And if someone in your life seems “off” or quieter than usual, or uncharacteristically feisty, trust your gut. Check in. Ask twice. Just being
there can make more of a difference than you think.
Here are a few simple ways we can all support ourselves and each other:
1. Talk to someone: Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, someone in your faith community, or a support group, don’t go it alone. We have amazing mental health resources in our area, and there are national resources like the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (just dial 988 in the U.S.) are available 24/7.
2. Listen without fixing: When a friend opens up, resist the urge to offer solutions right away (admittedly, a tough one for me!) Just listening—really listening—can be incredibly healing. Haven’t there been times when all you needed to do was “get it out”? That can be the resolution or it may just get you feeling better enough to find strength to take a step beyond just opening up.
3. Encourage professional help: Sometimes a friend needs more than we can offer. Help them find a therapist, offer to sit with them while they make the first call, or even go with them to their first appointment if they’re nervous.
4. Make it normal: Talk about therapy, about mental health, about the hard stuff. The more we normalize these conversations, the easier it becomes for someone else to speak up. If you’ve had therapy yourself – don’t be afraid to share your experience.
5. Watch for signs: Isolation, irritability, lack of interest, the inability to regulate feelings and moods, changes in eating or sleeping—these can all be signals that someone is struggling.
Back to my friend: she got help. Connecting to a therapist wasn’t instant or easy, but it was a turning point. And I’m so grateful she reached out. It reminded me that sometimes, being a lifeline is as simple as picking up the phone. I’m also grateful that she set an example of bravery for me – because it could have just as easily been me needing to reach out. Mental health is part of all of us. No one gets through life without facing hardship, grief, or uncertainty. But we were never meant to face it alone. Keep reaching out—whether it’s for ourselves or for someone we care about. It might be the most important thing we ever do. If you or a loved one needs help, reach out for support today.
You can reach Harbor at harbor.org or by calling 419-475-4449. Philip D. Atkins, PhD, LICDC-CS, OCPC, ACHE Chief Care Coordination Officer / Harbor
