In his latest book, Adam Nimoy delves into his relationship with his father, Leonard Nimoy, best known as Mr. Spock from the “Star Trek” franchise.
“It was easy to love Mr. Spock, but it was complicated to love Leonard Nimoy,” recalled Adam, 68, of Los Angeles. “I talk about some of the things that happened with him that were very unpleasant, but I’m not laying the blame, it’s not ‘mommy dearest,’ I’m not pointing fingers. This is not your typical ‘my celebrity father was not a good guy, all you fans out there’ book; that’s not what I’m saying at all. In fact, writing this book gave me more empathy for my dad for what he accomplished. He came to L.A. from Boston with nothing; his parents wouldn’t help him at all.”
Adam will discuss and sign copies of “THE MOST HUMAN: Reconciling With My Father, Leonard Nimoy” (Chicago Review Press $30) at the Toledo Lucas County Public Library on Thursday, April 3, from 7-8 p.m. (see sidebar). Tickets cost $25. Register today.
“The book is selling very well,” said Melanie Roth, the sales and events manager for Chicago Review Press.
This marks Adam’s first time in Toledo in more than 50 years.
“I was there with Dad when he was starring in a traveling company of ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ back in 1971,” said Adam. “We started in Massachusetts and ended the tour in Toledo.”
A filmmaker and former attorney, Adam is the son of Leonard (who died in 2015) and actress Sandra Zober (who died in 2011). He has an older sister named Julie. Leonard played the Vulcan named Spock, perhaps the most iconic character in the “Trek” franchise, for nearly 50 years. Adam had a complicated relationship with Leonard. Yet despite their differences, father and son had plenty in common: marriages leading to divorce, addiction, and recovery.
“I’m not an alcoholic but I identify as one. I’m a pothead. I’m a wake-and-baker. Alcohol was never my drug of choice, but I identify as an alcoholic because I love AA. It’s all 12-step recovery. I don’t drink. I don’t anything,” explained Adam. “My dad was a true alcoholic. He admitted it in an interview with (‘Trek’ co-star William) Shatner of all people in (2001’s ‘Mind Meld: Secrets Behind the Voyage of a Lifetime’ documentary) and went into great detail. I included that in my (2016) film, ‘For the Love of Spock.’”
Adam spoke about Leonard’s relationship with Shatner, alias Capt. James T. Kirk.
“They’re two egocentric guys who banged heads on ‘(Trek).’ Spock was popular and Bill was supposed to be the star, so hello! There’s no mystery there,” said Adam.
“These two takeaways are important. No. 1: I said to him, ‘How is it that you had so much trouble that you guys are so amazing? It’s one of the most dynamic duos in all of pop culture history.’ My dad said, ‘The bottom line is: We were professionals.’ They both had plenty of experience going into ‘(Trek).’ They both knew what they were doing and were at the top of their craft.”
The second takeaway was Leonard and Shatner became close friends later in life.
“There was a period where they had a really nice loving relationship, which befuddled me and my sister,” recalled Adam. “When my dad announced that Bill was his best friend, we were like ‘What?’ ‘Yeah, he’s my best friend. What’s wrong with that?’ my dad said. ‘What’s wrong with that? You’ve been complaining about him for decades.’ ‘Well, that’s ancient history.’”
Adam’s first book, 2008’s “My Incredibly Wonderful, Miserable Life,” chronicled the time he made amends with Leonard. “THE MOST HUMAN” chronicles what occurred afterwards.
“I think it’s a great story about my dad coming around and being more parental towards me,” said Adam. “Our relationship had been very troubled for decades. When we reconciled, due in part to 12-step recovery, he really started to show up for me. I’ve been sharing this story in 12-step meetings for years anonymously; they don’t know I’m Leonard Nimoy’s son and don’t need to know. But when I talk to people about the fact that I had this horrible relationship with my dad and that 12-step recovery helped me reconcile with him, people were inspired by that. It felt like I should do the deeper dive and write part two.”
Once they reconciled, Adam’s relationship with Leonard became “very close, very loving, and a lot of fun.” He pointed out Leonard changed a lot on his own in his later year as his priorities shifted from putting his career first to putting his family first.
According to Adam, being the son of Spock was a mixed bag.
“It was a mixed bag. There was this duality. We were once a struggling family with no money, and we were suddenly a celebrity family with no money. The money came much later with the movies – the heavy money,” explained Adam. “The problem was I had a very awkward relationship with my dad to begin with. I just was not close to him. That wasn’t a priority for him, which was fine. He was all about survival and success in his career. Once he became immensely popular, these awkward father-son outings we had didn’t happen anymore, which was a relief to me, frankly. I just didn’t enjoy being alone with him. He was not a hang-out kinda guy. He was very much a loner in that respect. He was not that sociable to begin with, very introspective. A lot of his personality was like Spock’s.”
He continued: “On the other hand, my father’s Mr. Spock! Hello! That’s (expletive) amazing! It’s just the most amazing thing in the world! One of the things that did bind me to my dad – I always loved ‘Trek’ and I always loved Spock – was the reason why people hung on to Spock so quickly, so fervently, and for so long is this idea that ‘other-ness’ is okay. Being the outsider is okay. The geek, the nerd, the weirdo, the loner – it’s okay. That’s me right down the line. It’s okay. Not only it is okay, you should be celebrating it. That’s Spock. That’s why a lot of people who aren’t in the popular group can relate to him. Spock is symbolic of all that.”
The two reconciled in 2006. Adam was in recovery at that time. The turning point was when Leonard wrote Adam a 6-page scathing letter.
“It was this weird combination of phenomenal experiences – mostly celebrating his career – coupled with these horrible arguments when we had a difference of opinion,” explained Adam. “That, in a nutshell, is my life with Leonard. Whenever there was a disagreement, it was just a nightmare; there was no middle ground with him. He was very difficult to deal with. He warned me of this early on when I was 17 and had my first big blowout with him. He wrote me a letter and said, ‘Arguing with me is gonna be tough. I’ll tell you why. No. 1: I’m loud and verbal. No. 2: I’m a tough kid from the streets of Boston. You don’t (expletive) with me. No. 3: I’m rich and famous.’”
Once he received the second letter, Adam set boundaries and pulled away, which angered Leonard.
“For him, negative engagement was better than none. He was taunting with the letter. My first impulse was to write a 10-page letter trashing him, but I didn’t because I was in recovery and we don’t do that,” said Adam.
A friend named Chris (a pseudonym) advised Adam to instead make amends with Leonard.
“I was like ‘WTF?’” said Adam. “I didn’t want to give it to him; it’s a capitulation that plays into his game. My dad and I were all about the game, one-upping each other. I didn’t want to play his game; that would be giving in to him – ‘You win, I lose.’ Chris said, ‘It’s not for him, it’s for you.’ It was for me to let go of my own resentment that I had harbored against my father. Chris said, ‘You’re right about your dad. You got the list of things he did all throughout your life that weren’t terribly kind. You can be right or you can be happy, but you can’t be both. If you want to be happy, take the letter and make amends with him and move on with your life.’ That’s what I did.”
And that’s when everything shifted.
They spoke rationally about their differences. In the end, Leonard invited Adam to Shabbat dinner the next week.
“Then our lives started to change right then and there,” recalled Adam. “He was willing to let go of his stuff against me at that point as well. His priorities in his life were different. Family was now a new priority for him. He was a completely different guy, not the same dad I had growing up. Not at all. He was much more content and relaxed. He was taking it easy and was secure. He was happy in his second marriage with Susan (Bay). They had a beautiful home in Bel Air. All of his investments were paying off.”
Father and son had nine years of a good, healthy relationship before Leonard died in 2015.
“He was doing great and ready to start a new chapter in his life, which was focusing on family matters, including me. I was really lucky. It was a two-way street in that respect as well because the two of us had banged heads – we’re both strong-willed people – and decided, ‘Let’s move on.’ And it was great. I loved my dad. I dug the guy. I understood him. I loved to entertain him. That was one of my favorite past times I really haven’t shared that much. I’d tell him stories and he was a good audience,” explained Adam. “I was also his confidant because he didn’t have many close friends. I was always there to listen and was willing to listen because I really respected and was proud of my dad. I felt a sense of pride and honor to be in confidence with him… We had nine years of a good relationship before his death.”
IF YOU GO: Adam Nimoy at the Toledo Lucas County Public Library
For questions or more information about Adam Nimoy’s visit to the Toledo Lucas County Public Library, contact 419-259-5330 or visit toledolibrary.org.
Visit Nimoy at https://www.adamnimoy.com/.
