By the time Lou “Looney” Mannhauser and I got to T.G.I. Friday's on Airport, we were already three sheets to the wind, from celebrating the finalization of his divorce since around 10:30 that morning. It had been a long 10 hours, and it was turning — quite literally — from a long day's journey into night … we stumbled into the restaurant past their familiar red and white awnings and bellied up to the bar, when “Looney” grabbed me by the arm and said “I need some 'tato skins. Cheers.”
“Looney” was not looney. In fact, “Looney” was as sane as any Supreme Court judge (okay, that was a questionable analogy). But, be that as it may, “Looney” was a very normal, stand-up, straight-laced guy. He got his nickname, not from some crazy act that got him arrested; not because he had seen “My Dinner With Andre” over 125 times; but because he was formerly employed at the Canadian Mint making currency. Hence, “Looney.”
In fact, “Looney” was something of a philosopher. He was a walking encyclopedia of Thales, Aristotle, Augustine, Locke, Hume, Kant, Nietszche, Sartre, Kripke and Searle. It was in this context that using his potato skin as a vehicle for sour cream, he said to me, “You know, Al, what would be a very interesting conversation?” “You tell me, Looney.”
"What if, we're in Hell see? And everyone is gone. I'm not sure where they went. Maybe they finally got forgiveness, eh? But there are only two guys left … two … men … left. One of them is one of literature's great atheists, Ivan Karamazov. Y'know, from Dostoyevsky's book. And the other … now here's the drama: the other is Adolf Hitler.” I stared at Looney, realizing that I must have lost consciousness for
a moment.
“No. Seriously! Check it out, eh? The central question of the conversation is this: 'Is there forgiveness for everyone no matter how serious the crime?' And who better to have this discussion with the most evil man who ever lived, than an avowed atheist?” We requested more sour cream. “I mean, how long is Hell supposed to last, anyway? Should even Hitler have some kind of salvation. Or better still … is it worse to be completely morally depraved enough to commit these crimes against God and man, OR to be unable to forgive the sinner, even if God could?” I was already beginning to wonder if TARTA had stopped running for the night. No, we weren't in Perrysburg …
“That would be an incredible conversation, don't you think? I'll bet it would be pretty funny too. Not to mention controversial! Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall of Hell for that one … wings would get pretty hot though. Hey, I need some more skins.”
While I thought it was my alarm clock mistakenly going off at 6:30 the next morning, it was in fact my iPhone. “You know, if you were really a 'smartphone', you would be letting me sleep,” I thought, but I took the call anyway. It was Looney and he was excited — nothing exacerbates a hangover like an excited Looney.
“Hey, Panty.” (What can I say? We all have our nicknames.) “You're not going to believe this! Remember that conversation from last night? Hitler and Karamazov? Well, Toledo Rep is doing one of their Edgy Rep readings on July 28 and you're not going to believe it! It's by some guy named Vicchio … uh, Stephen Vicchio. But wait until you hear the title! You ready?” I groaned in agreement. “It's called, 'Ivan and Adolf: The Last Man In Hell!' Dude is that wild or what? It starts at 8 o'clock. I am SO all over that! I'll pick you up at 6, we'll get some 'skins first!”
The play? Sure, I was up for that. The skins? Eh … maybe not so much …
Ivan and Adolf: The Last Man in Hell will be performed on Saturday, July 28 (one day only) at Owens Community College Center for the Fine and Performing Arts, 30335 Oregon Rd. Tickets are $10. For more info, visit www.toledorep.org or call 419-243-9277.
