It’s that time of year again. The robins have returned, the daffodils are a-bloomin’, and nutcases across the swampy plains have decided that they have been “called” to run for office. Let us be the first to break it to ya, whackadoodles, the only thing calling you are the visions of public trough sugar plums dancing in your addled heads.
We have to wonder where this whole “calling” idea started. Time was, you ran for office because you wanted to be in office. Sure there are perks, like power, money and fame. Then there are the draw backs, like the intense public scrutiny and the constant pressure and accountability of being in the public eye. And being the butt of sophomoric attempts at humor by silly newspaper columnists trying to make a name for themselves at your expense. But we digress. Basically, folks wanted to be elected so they could be in leadership. Period.
Controversial call
Somewhere along the line this personal ambition came to be considered too base for the anointed among us, and so the myth that they had been “called” to lead was conjured out of the blue. This of course, begs the question. Called by whom, exactly?
We don’t recall anyone clamoring for ol’ Carty of Finklebreath to lead us through the valley of death to the Promised Land, yet there he was, running again and again. Yup, it certainly wasn’t the voters putting out the call for The Fink’s enlightened leadership. He ran and lost as Republican and Independent before being called to run as a Democrat. Fortunately for him since T-Town is something like a sixty-five to thirty-five split in favor of the braying donkeys. Hence his election to Toledo City Council in the 1980s.
After finally breaking through to his personal public-trough promised land, the Finkley One was then called to create a charter change in favor of a strong mayor form of government, with his own bad self as the initial incarnation. Voila! His calling to create a broad, diverse coalition of old white men was confirmed with victory over upstart Independent Mike Ferner and his paltry coalition of poltroons in 1993.
Mebbe Carty’s delusions of personal grandeur weren’t communicated properly from That Which Does the Calling, because the charter change that allowed for the strong mayor structure also placed strict term limits on the office. Which meant that after Carty won re-election in 1997 someone else had to receive The Call for 2001.
That someone was seemingly then-LC Treasurer Ray Kest, first in line to have received the call. Except that the Dem leader at the time, Paula Ross, said he’d be endorsed over her dead body. So she put out the call for a candidate to beat back the Kest minions, a call that was answered in due course by a sleepy ol’ walrus down in Cbus by the name of Jack. Ford, that is.
So Smilin’ Jack left the state legislature to beat Kest to the punch in oh one. But apparently the call was a bad connection, ‘cause Jack ticked off the powers that be, especially those in the powerful trades unions. Who quickly put out a call of their own, that is, somebody to beat the sleepy ol’ walrus in oh five. And who was there to answer the call?
That ever eager beaver sitting next to the phone, waiting for that delightful ring, Carty Finkystinger! He beat Smilin’ Jack and took back the reins of T-Town power. Except that soon into his second reign, irony of ironies, there was a movement of folks who wanted him recalled for real. As in tossed out on his ear. Seems they remembered what a difficult cuss the ol’ Finkystunk really is.
So the call went out again, this time to beat the Fink in oh nine, and again it went down Cbus way. At the other end was then-State Fire Marshal, Mikey P. Bellbottoms, the man with the ninety-plus T-Town approval rate. Carty threw a wrench in the works when he didn’t seek re-election, but ol’ Mikey went on to beat challenger Keith Wilkowski.
Missed call
That brings us to twenty thirteen. Ol’ Bellbottoms has angered every union this time around with his declaration of “exigent circumstances” to abrogate union contracts and his support of the ill-fated SB5. His cozying up to Chinese nationals hasn’t made him many friends swampside, either. So folks are again hearing The Call.
Perennial candidate Opal Covey has been called by The Almighty again. Her string of defeats might indicate that it’s actually just creepy voices emanating from her own delirium, however. Current Democratic City Councilman Joe McNamara has been called by the memory of his father’s, albeit Republican, public service. And current Democratic LC Auditor, Stepping Stone Lopez, has been called by labor forces to run for school board, oops, recorder, nope, auditor, ummm, mayor, in order, in her words, to end divisiveness. Apparently by dividing the loyalties of Democrats, thereby virtually assuring Bellbottoms another term.
Enough with the calling, already. You’re all a bunch o’ self-ambitious mendicants. Get over yourselves. Can we just find someone who will do their level best to muddle toward a bit of prosperity?
