The voters has spoken, and they has called for a change. Don’t ask for whom the Bell tolls, Mikey P., it tolls for youze.
Yep, with all precincts reporting, the incumbent is now officially a limping water fowl, and the Mayor-elect is one D. Michael Collins, itinerant District 2 Councilman and all around wet blanket.
The new Mayor has lots to do in the six or so weeks until he officially takes office. All indications are this transition will be a doozy indeed. Forget all the little details like transitioning to new policies and leadership in City departments. Never mind the need to transition the City budget to reflect different priorities and campaign pledges. The following are the important transitions to watch for, and you heard it here first.
Out with the old
Transition One. From Rock Star to Blarney Stone. Let’s face it. The outgoing Mayor Bell was larger than life in T-Town. He could fill a room with his charisma, and folks flocked to him like groupies to a lead guitarist. He commanded notice, and he knew it.
This allowed him to fill his early administration with a veritable Who’s Who of talent around him. His first picks included veteran of state budgeting Patrick McLean for finance, folks from the private sector like Dean Monske for economic development and Robin Whitney in engineering services, and experienced tradesman Bill Brennan for inspections. His rock star status meant top talent from public and private sectors rushed to his side.
Transition to D. Mikey C. This proud Irishman is filled with more blarney and bluster than deep thought, yet he doesn’t seem to know it. DMC is known more for micromanagement than magnetism. Who has joined his team? Last chance pols like Carty and J Fo, plus Carty retreads like John Bibish. The latter was the brilliant budget analyst who couldn’t see financial trouble on the horizon when Jeep was on shutdown. That sort of talent.
DMC has promised he will combine old hacks with fresh blood in a mentoring relationship. Translation. The show will be run by a bunch of amateurs learning the ropes from a distinguished clown corps. Let the fade begin.
Transition two. From leather vest to sweater vest. This is about more than just wardrobe, although that is indicative of the difference in styles. Mikey P. could rock the leather just as well as he could a tailored suit. His muscular physique echoed his muscular personality, and he wore both well.
Not so with the slightly putzy DMC. He tends more toward stretched-out green sweaters that your wife wouldn’t let you wear to pull weeds in the garden, let alone lead a major American city. His mismatched pants-and-sports-coat ensembles mirror his randomly floating, often mismatched ideas about city policy. His lack of sartorial vision roughly emulates his lack of real vision for the future, tending as he does to the comfort of American values, circa 1955. Hence his out of touch pontifications about race relations. And Tidy Towns. Which leads us to . . . .
Be careful what you wish for
Transition three. From Run DMC to just plain old Dennis. We think we finally understand why D. Michael doesn’t use his real first name, which is Dennis. He wants to be that great Irish revolutionary Michael Collins rather than run-o-the-mill Dennis Collins. What he seems to forget is the only reason he won the favor of the vast majority of the labor community, and then a majority of the electorate, is not because of who he is, but rather because of who he isn’t.
Namely, he isn’t Mike Bell. He isn’t the Mike Bell who forced contracts on City workers without negotiations. Nor the Mike Bell who supported the ill-fated attack on public unions called SB 5. Nor the Mike Bell who seemed more comfortable in corporate suites than the community’s streets. He’s not that guy. That Mike Bell was disfavored by the voters to the tune of garnering just over one quarter of the Primary votes.
That Mike Bell also lost the General Election to a guy who isn’t Mike Bell. Now we come to find out who this guy who isn’t Mike Bell actually is.
No revolutionary, Dennis Collins is out of touch with growing American sentiment in support of gay marriage. He opposes abortion, just like his beloved Ireland, who famously let a woman die rather than allow a medically necessary abortion be performed.
Dennis is no Mike Bell. He’s not even Fred Rogers, despite their wardrobe similarities. Mr. Rogers could inspire a crowd. Not so Dennis. Although he seems more fit to Mr. Rogers’ America. When everything was simple, and everyone knew their place.
This might be the worst transition of all. Transition into hard reverse. It’ll be an interesting four years.
But in the spirit of the season, we give thanks to Dennis for his victory as Not-Mike-Bell and look forward to the fodder for this column that he most surely will provide over the next 4 years.
