It’s that time of year again. The Grammys and Oscars are all dished out, and the TCP “Best of” awards are hot on the griddle. Not to be outdone, last year we initiated the soon-to-be-famous Hildy Awards for all things City Politics. This year’s winners are, in no particular order …wait for it, wait for it …
Best drama:
The Toledo School Board. This one is actually a bit puzzling. How did they muck everything up so badly with such alarming speed? Once the laughing stock of local elected bodies, the School Board quietly went about their unenviable business and remained out of the spotlight for several years. Oh baby oh, but their comeback has exploded like a Russian meteor! They relieved the unassuming Superintendent of Schools, Dr. Jerome Pecko, of his duties and now face the task of finding someone foolish enough to take on that thankless task. Meanwhile the coffers are bare, they can’t pass a levy, state rankings have fallen, negotiations with surly unions loom. And the state has discovered improprieties in attendance records, necessitating a new state report card. And a performance audit will be released later this year, most likely adding insult to injury.
The real drama has yet to play out. Which school board members will be the last out the door to hit the lights?
Best player in a comedic role:
Opal Covey. Boy howdy, do we look forward to the mayoral contest this year! Forget the glee to be had in recounting the silliness and slips ups of Hizzoner Mikey P.’s first four years. Never mind the joy of witnessing the blood bath to come as fellow Democrats Anita “Stepping Stone” Lopez and Joey “Baby Face” McNamara fight it out to clear September’s primary. The real fun is much loopier and more unpredictable, and inquiring minds want to know. What has God told perennial candidate The Most Reverend Opal Covey this year? She ignored His holy injunction to leave town if she couldn’t win in twenty oh one. No one picked up on His brilliant idea, channeled through Opal, of a downtown golf course in twenty oh five. By twenty oh nine Opal had gathered a cult-like following, but His blessed idea of a downtown roller coaster went unheeded. What will it be this year? Will the Lord demand that wild animals be loosed on the streets of downtown? Cool!
Biggest box office disappointment:
Mayor Mike Bell’s support of Senate Bill 5. How far the mighty have fallen. Mikey P. was recruited as the candidate most likely to unseat The Honorable Carleton S. Finkelgruber in twenty oh five. Mikey’s approval rating hovered somewhere around that of guardian angels and Santa Claus. Then Carty didn’t run and the public got to see the real Michael P. Bell. By the November election his favorables had fallen to the point that he only narrowly got elected over Democrat Keith Wilkowski.
Mikey has served as Mayor in difficult economic times, and Toledoans are notoriously forgiving. As in Carty-times-three type of forgiving. Bell would probably be re-elected, all things being equal. Except for his completely inexplicable love affair with Guvnah John Kasich and his ill-fated attack on organized labor represented by SB 5, which lost by a two to one margin at the Lucas County polls in twenty eleven. Yet Mikey and John remain faithful lovers. The Guvnah recently referred to Hizzoner as “my buddy.” With friends like that in Lucas County, well, you know the rest.
Lifetime lack of achievement award:
Lucas County Republican Party. We hate to beat a dead horse, since we gave the “least likely to succeed” award to this dumpster fire last year. But really. The best candidate they can come up with for the highest seat in T-Town is the septuagenarian Friend of Carty Theresa Gabriel? Let’s just give them the lifetime lack of achievement award and put ‘em to pasture for good.
And finally, some fond farewells to: Carty, George, Joey, and…hello to Smilin’ Jack? Carty has been rumored as a candidate for county commissioner, district councilman, and at-large council since his “retirement” from public office a mere four years ago. Now he’s rumored to be considering a return as candidate for mayor. We hope to pre-empt such a frightening notion with our sincerest Hildy “Buh-Bye” award.
As to Georgie Sarantou, he had to see this coming. Term limited from his seat on city council, Georgie has sought a place as county commissioner, county recorder and has even taken a stab at the mayor’s office a few times. Only problem, he’s a member of those lifetime lack of achievers, the LC Republican Party. Buh-Bye, George.
Joey McNamara has announced his candidacy for mayor, meaning he’ll vacate his council seat after this year. Having ticked off his own party by failing to support their decisions, having angered organized labor, and having little grass roots base to speak of, his chances of winning are slim at best. Given the long odds, we have to say, Buh-Bye, Joe.
Last but possibly least, Smilin’ Jack Ford is running for Toledo City Council. Surely the electorate isn’t silly enough to move forward by returning to the regrettable past. Right. And frogs have taken flight across the Maumee.
