Guess who’s back, back again. Guess who’s back, tell a friend.
Of course none of the loyal readers of this biweekly ramble were taken in by the legerdemain we performed last issue.
We’re as emotionally mature and chemically balanced as we’ve ever been.
Honestly.
And to prove it, we submit the following. Here’s the news. The Toledo City budget has been balanced for 2011.
Here’s the bad news behind the news. It’s been balanced, dear readers, on your spindly backs.
That’s right. The Bell Administration has pulled the City into the black by pushin’ you into the red. How did Bell Bottoms do it? In all of the several following ways.
1. Playing the boy who cried “deficit!” This is a favorite of every city administration. Balance the budget by the mandated March deadline, then spend the next twelve months drumming in the fact that budget numbers aren’t keeping up with projections and drastic measures must be taken. Then submit the following year’s budget based on the looming deficit so that severe changes can be proposed. Most of which equate to shifting the deficit downward.
2. Preaching doom and gloom. This year it was the impending collapse of the entire drinking water system, vital for regional health. Using pictures from the last 20 or so years, Bell Bottoms and his henchmen
made the case for dramatic increases in sewer and water rates that would have resulted in bills 50 percent higher over the next few years. All of this was included in the 2011 budget numbers. City Council cried foul, scaling the increases back to merely exorbitant levels. Voila! Red ink shifted to You the People!
3. Deflecting blame. Much of the City budget is taken up by compensation packages for the folks that provide vital City services to all of us. As the bankers and brokers destroyed the economy and tax revenues tanked, demands for services remained level. Hence deficits. Who to blame? The fat cats who tanked the economy? The negotiators who couldn’t bring resolution at the bargaining table?
Nope, it’s the greedy firefighters, garbage collectors and policemen. Not to mention those overpaid and underworked teachers, but that’s the Peckster’s pickle over at TPS. So Bell Bottoms wants to unilaterally slash compensation without negotiations, all the while pulling down a six-figure public salary on top of a public pension. Pretty slick!
More red ink shifted to the backs of the public
4. Deflecting blame, expanded version. Those pesky garbage collectors again. They’re so diabolical Bell Bottoms has decided to eliminate them entirely, and based his budget numbers accordingly. The City has now contracted with the County for garbage service, who must contract with the private sector to fulfill the obligation. Control over rates and services is now in private hands. We’re assured the rates will actually go down. In the short run. Don’t ask us about tomorrow. We don’t wanna know.
5. Selling the seed corn. In desperation Bell Bottoms has put all City assets on the auction block, and it seems he’s more than willing to sell to the lowest bidder. The most desirable assets, like the Docks, are going first, of course. Some would say selling your best assets at low prices out of desperation is extremely shortsighted. Bell Bottoms wouldn’t, but some would.
Now the Marina District, including public access to the riverfront, is all dressed up and ready to go. Plus the parking garages and meters. Any guesses what will happen to parking rates if that happens?
Seems that Bell Bottoms is putting a whole new meaning to the old phrase “painting the town red.” The City budget is balanced all right. How’s yours feelin’ these days?
