After thoughtful deliberation and months of careful study, the Collins administration has finally determined the bane of Toledo. Yes, Hizzoner Duh Mayor, Dennis Mikey C., our Unca Dennis, has made his lofty pronouncement. He has determined the enemy of downtown economic development, that pox on the City, the one barrier holding back a flood of investment to turn our beloved metropolis around.
Food trucks. Oh, and smokers. And Unca Dennis is determined to eradicate both.
This is all part of a broader grand vision for Toledo, one laid out in detail during the Collins Cares mayoral campaign last fall. Support for development of empty storefronts and shuttered retail establishments downtown while existing food service businesses will get subsidies and incentives to grow and expand. There will be strict regulation of any startups to carefully manage competition and control revenue from fees and taxes.
The Collins Cares message also included a comprehensive plan to address health concerns in the Toledo region, including childhood obesity, Type 2 diabetes and the scourge of tobacco use. Is he now making good on his pledge?
Clarion call
No, we’re just kidding. Actually the out-of-the-blue crackdown on food trucks and the pronouncement against hiring smokers into City employment are just a couple of scattershot policies blasted from the hip.
This is basically what we’ve come to expect from our Unca Dennis. The two campaign promises he immediately implemented were the demolition of an eyesore in his old district, the former Clarion Hotel, and the reopening of the Northwest District Station for his old employer, the Toledo Police Department. He had a personal stake in each. Anything else sorta comes and goes like flatulence on the breeze.
Even the two promises he kept came with a price. The Clarion was supposed to be torn down predominantly using state grants. Except those grants never materialized. Just use taxpayer dollars and delay needed street repairs.
The opening of the old police substation similarly got costlier as the renovations developed, but that didn’t deter Unca Dennis.
So that’s the basic vision. Pour cash heedlessly into District Two and give police whatever they ask for. Plus, pay lip service to central city issues like blight, but only after the pressure of the public spotlight is brought to bear.
Unca Dennis’ most recent initiatives: One is a charter change to allow his administration to spend twenty large without Council approval rather than the ten large as currently written. Councilman Collins once fumed against the Finkenstinker administration’s attempts to skirt the limits and keep Council out of the decision making loop. Now he wants to simply change them, making skirting them less necessary. What a difference the view from the 22nd Floor must make.
The other initiative is to give the top executives in City employment a twenty five per cent hike in pay. Yep, these folks make in the upper five-figure range, and our Unca D wants to bump that into six-figures. Mind you, the median T-Town income is down around thirty grand for a family of four.
Hizzoner thinks the current salaries can’t land top talent, presumably forcing him to settle for Carty retreads like current Chief of Staff Herr Reinbolt. Councilman Collins railed against similar pay hikes proposed by Mayor Bellbottoms just two years ago.
Smoke and mirrors
Which brings us to food trucks. And smokers. For lunchtime crowds, the trucks offer nimble culinary alternatives and evolving food variety. They pay all the same fees and undergo all the same inspections as any other food and beverage vendor.
Unca Dennis decided they must be slapped with an unexplained thousand dollar fee and consigned to carefully bounded zones for specific time frames with little apparent consultation with affected parties, and no connection to any downtown development plan. After City Council said “yeah, No” to the ridiculous scheme, Hizzoner mumbled something about not really wanting any action anyway. On a multipage piece of legislation he brought before Council as an actionable item. Right.
Then there’s the new policy against hiring smokers. How this will be enforced against adults engaging in a legal activity has yet to be explained. What about banning other legal-but-hazardous activities ? No tie to a broader health initiative or specific strategy. Scattershot.
Consider this hypothetical. A former police officer who lives in District Two applies to work as an executive for the City, demanding a salary twenty per cent over current for a plan that will require a twenty thousand dollar expenditure by the administration. But said officer owns a food truck and smokes.
