Get your game face on, it’s almost time for the big job interview. But don’t get too anxious, peeps, ‘cause this time you’re on the giving end.
It’s election time here in ol’ Froggy Bottom, and that means you get to select just the right candidates for all those elected positions. Don’t tell us you don’t think of elections as job placement? That explains a whole heckuva lot.
It’s one month ‘til Election Day, and early voting has already started. This is the time of year the candidates send out literature, go door to door, and show up at tailgate parties and prayer meetin’s. They go on radio and television tootin’ their tin horns. And you’ve never asked for a resume?
Face it, kidz. Elected positions are jobs, with specific responsibilities, and you get to decide who fills ‘em. It’s high time to start treating elections that way. Otherwise we’ll keep getting the same ol’ nut hatches who seem great as their smiling mugs float by in soft focus on the television screen, but then are completely ill-equipped to do the actual job they were hired to do.
Experience required
It’s all about job description. Take Lucas County Auditor, for example. Incumbent Anita Lopez has run the office for two terms and is seeking re-election. Prior to becoming Auditor, she served as Lucas County Recorder. She has also served on the Toledo Board of Education and has a law degree from the University of Toledo.
Now she’s being challenged by an employee in her office, an appraiser named John Navarre. He claims to be better equipped to be Auditor by virtue of being a certified appraiser and having seen the appraisal process from the inside.
Sounds pretty convincing. That is, until you think of the election for Auditor as a job interview.
C’mon in, Mr. Navarre, sit down, let’s take a look at that resume. Now the job of Auditor is a political one, with lots of outside pressure. It’s imperative that you have a good support group to help you make choices in the best interests of the citizens when the going gets tough.
Have you ever had to deal with tough political pressure in your previous work experience?
No? Well, the job also means you must make frequent media appearances, because you are basically the face of the office. Any experience there? No, taking pictures of houses and going back to your cubicle doesn’t really count.
Hmm, then there’s the fact that the Auditor is mostly an administrator. The job entails overseeing office management, making personnel decisions, including dealing with union contracts. Have you ever been in charge of a large organization that is constantly in the public eye?
Yes, Mr. Navarre, we know you have the same last name as a beloved former police chief, but that doesn’t really recommend you in particular, now does it?
Let’s see. The Auditor must also think of ways to innovate, to update the office to keep up with changing times. What are your ideas there? Do a better job of appraising property values? But isn’t that already your job? And you say that isn’t being done well?
Mr. Navarre, perhaps you didn’t read the job description before you applied for the position. You are clearly not qualified. You should stay exactly where you are, in the cubby in the back, and do let’s start performing our job there a bit better, huh? There’s the boy!
Co-Generation X
Then there's the City's Co-Gen facility, the one that was supposed to use gas from the decomposing landfill to generate all the electricity needed by the sewage treatment and water treatment plants, with lots left over to sell on the open market.
And everyone would be tall and beautiful, with good teeth, and the rain would taste like sugar candy.
Seems every high profile elected official in the last fifteen years made some boneheaded decision or other on that too-good-to-be-true boondoggle that was too good to be true.
See? You should have added that question to the job interview. Messrs. Finklestinker, Ford, and Bell, oh, and you too, Mr. Gerken, have you ever overseen a major energy system installation in your previous jobs? No, Mr. Finklestinker, after-dinner flatulence doesn't count, although that does generate methane. Not enough to run the massive turbine Mr. Ford approved, probably while he was asleep.
Because no one asked that simple question; the price tag somehow exploded from $5 million to over $30 million and counting, and none of these knuckleheads seem to know why.
Councilmember Lindsay Webb sez she has questions, though. Like why there isn't enough methane to power the plant.
On second thought, Mr. Finklestinker, maybe we could use a bit more of that flatulence after all.
