Wednesday, November 6, 2024

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Mayor Mike “Ring The” Bell is at it again.

Apparently goaded on by Deputy Mayor Steve HerWhat?, who never saw a union he didn’t want to break, and utilities Director Tom “Mo’ Money” Crothers, who never saw a rate hike he didn’t like, Hizzoner seems hell bent for leather Harley leather, of course, as in sleeveless biker vest and rakishly backward cap.

That’ll look great for Ring The’s inevitable appearance on Dancing with the Stars. Leading a city in the midst of a sluggish recovery from economic collapse, not so much.
Never mind. Froggy Bottom will now pick up the fire service for the richest and snootiest burb, excuse us, “village” in the area, regardless of the return on investment. Safety for those who foot the bill is apparently deemed subservient to something vaguely referred to as “regionalization.”

T Town is also full speed ahead toward regionalization of trash pick-up. Think higher fees, no more pesky Teamsters negotiations, and bye-bye unlimited pick-up. Perhaps we’re just being cynical. Or realistic.

Water use? Falling. Sewers? Crumbling. EPA mandates? Crippling. What can a few good men like Ring The, HerWhat? and Mo’ Money think of as a solution?

Look into yer wallets, folks, and you’ll see the answer.

Over at T Pub Skoolz, board members maintain their backyard brawl while Jerry “Pick a Peck of Pickled” Pecko remains AWOL. The district is drowning in red ink, and the leadership wants a peek in yer back pocket tri-fold for the answer to that one, too.

Doofus, whackadoo, and crank case can’t fully express how we feel about these ideas. But they’ll suffice for now.

Please stay tuned while we pause for these messages.

This column might seem just a bit harsh in tone. Calling a duly elected Mayor “Ring The” is flagrantly disrespectful. Referring to a diligent public servant like Steve Herwat with a goofy perversion of his last name is similarly impertinent. And Tom Crothers seems to be working with the critics of his proposals on Council to come up with a compromise that limits the impacts of needed increases in water and sewer rates.

We’re rude, flippant, and arrogant, all in the name of biting satire to make our points. Some folks find it humorous but insightful. Others, caustic but entertaining. Still others, enraging and poorly researched.
We should probably say a word here about the on-air remarks of Brian Wilson, who chastised Toledo Public Schools for teaching to state-mandated tests rather than higher-level skills. Which is of course the fault of the state mandates, not the yeoman’s work done in the schools daily. He did it by calling students trained animals. Whether monkeys, with attendant racial overtones, or dogs, which broadens the insult, really doesn’t matter. His ill-informed rant was done in an abrasive, insulting manner.

But as far as we know he didn’t advocate beating up the School Board, or assassinating the Superintendent.
We’re unimpressed with the Bell Administration so far, as you might be aware. And in an election year, there are specific Council members we think the City would be better served to replace.
But you will never see a city map with gun sights targeting specific human beings. We won’t call for you, loyal reader, to become “armed and dangerous,” as a conservative member of Congress has. We’ll encourage y’all to educate yourself and vote, take to the streets and march, agitate and make demands, raise holy Hades, sit down, stand up, organize, boycott, blockade, irritate, fulminate, denounce, reprimand, even take some direct action if you’re up to it.

But never, never, never ever forget the sanctity of life. Never. Throw da bums out. But respect the bums’ right to go on living.
Best wishes on the long road to recovery, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the others wounded in the Tuscon shootings. RIP Judge John Roll, Dot Morris, Phyllis Schneck, Dorwan Stoddard, and Gabe Zimmerman. And to the memory of 9-year old victim Christina Taylor Green, we vow to follow the immortal words of Mother Jones and mourn the loss of your brief life by fighting like hell for the living.

Now back to our regularly scheduled column.

Let’s remember in November. Clean house. But with malice toward none.

Mayor Mike “Ring The” Bell is at it again.

Apparently goaded on by Deputy Mayor Steve HerWhat?, who never saw a union he didn’t want to break, and utilities Director Tom “Mo’ Money” Crothers, who never saw a rate hike he didn’t like, Hizzoner seems hell bent for leather Harley leather, of course, as in sleeveless biker vest and rakishly backward cap.

That’ll look great for Ring The’s inevitable appearance on Dancing with the Stars. Leading a city in the midst of a sluggish recovery from economic collapse, not so much.
Never mind. Froggy Bottom will now pick up the fire service for the richest and snootiest burb, excuse us, “village” in the area, regardless of the return on investment. Safety for those who foot the bill is apparently deemed subservient to something vaguely referred to as “regionalization.”

T Town is also full speed ahead toward regionalization of trash pick-up. Think higher fees, no more pesky Teamsters negotiations, and bye-bye unlimited pick-up. Perhaps we’re just being cynical. Or realistic.

Water use? Falling. Sewers? Crumbling. EPA mandates? Crippling. What can a few good men like Ring The, HerWhat? and Mo’ Money think of as a solution?

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Look into yer wallets, folks, and you’ll see the answer.

Over at T Pub Skoolz, board members maintain their backyard brawl while Jerry “Pick a Peck of Pickled” Pecko remains AWOL. The district is drowning in red ink, and the leadership wants a peek in yer back pocket tri-fold for the answer to that one, too.

Doofus, whackadoo, and crank case can’t fully express how we feel about these ideas. But they’ll suffice for now.

Please stay tuned while we pause for these messages.

This column might seem just a bit harsh in tone. Calling a duly elected Mayor “Ring The” is flagrantly disrespectful. Referring to a diligent public servant like Steve Herwat with a goofy perversion of his last name is similarly impertinent. And Tom Crothers seems to be working with the critics of his proposals on Council to come up with a compromise that limits the impacts of needed increases in water and sewer rates.

We’re rude, flippant, and arrogant, all in the name of biting satire to make our points. Some folks find it humorous but insightful. Others, caustic but entertaining. Still others, enraging and poorly researched.
We should probably say a word here about the on-air remarks of Brian Wilson, who chastised Toledo Public Schools for teaching to state-mandated tests rather than higher-level skills. Which is of course the fault of the state mandates, not the yeoman’s work done in the schools daily. He did it by calling students trained animals. Whether monkeys, with attendant racial overtones, or dogs, which broadens the insult, really doesn’t matter. His ill-informed rant was done in an abrasive, insulting manner.

But as far as we know he didn’t advocate beating up the School Board, or assassinating the Superintendent.
We’re unimpressed with the Bell Administration so far, as you might be aware. And in an election year, there are specific Council members we think the City would be better served to replace.
But you will never see a city map with gun sights targeting specific human beings. We won’t call for you, loyal reader, to become “armed and dangerous,” as a conservative member of Congress has. We’ll encourage y’all to educate yourself and vote, take to the streets and march, agitate and make demands, raise holy Hades, sit down, stand up, organize, boycott, blockade, irritate, fulminate, denounce, reprimand, even take some direct action if you’re up to it.

But never, never, never ever forget the sanctity of life. Never. Throw da bums out. But respect the bums’ right to go on living.
Best wishes on the long road to recovery, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the others wounded in the Tuscon shootings. RIP Judge John Roll, Dot Morris, Phyllis Schneck, Dorwan Stoddard, and Gabe Zimmerman. And to the memory of 9-year old victim Christina Taylor Green, we vow to follow the immortal words of Mother Jones and mourn the loss of your brief life by fighting like hell for the living.

Now back to our regularly scheduled column.

Let’s remember in November. Clean house. But with malice toward none.

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