Folks get involved in City Politics for many reasons. Some want to use public policy to create a more just, humane, and compassionate community. Others want to adjust financial policy to promote and attract economic development. Still others might have specific and immediate goals, promoting pet projects or personal agendas.
Ask any of these folks for their motivation, expect lofty explanations and high-sounding rationale. But poke just beneath the surface and you quickly figger out what really stokes the boiler. This ain’t here-we-go-‘round-the-mulberry-bush, kiddeez. City Politics is ultimately about one thing for most of these yuck-yucks, pure and simple:
Power.
You can’t expect ‘em to admit that they do it for the adrenaline rush of power politics, though. For folks with a lifetime sucking at the public teat it would be far too crass to admit it’s power that drives the bus. They’ll instead mewl about their desire to serve the public, to represent those who elected them.
It begs the question, why them? Dig it. It’s about a phrase from deep inside City Politics. It’s about The Juice.
Bringing The Juice
The Juice is what politicians call the power to move the needle. The Juice means having the “it” factor, being a bit larger than the competition, a bit more outsized. The Juice determines the pecking order in political circles. It means the mere mention of your name makes opposition crumble, brings fence-sitters into your camp, and makes supporters swoon.
Local pols are deeply worried about The Juice. As in, who has it and who doesn’t. Whether they have it and whether they can keep it. Who wants to take it away. Because The Juice is a finite substance. Not everyone can have it, and it’s pretty much limited to a small group of folks at any given time. Furthermore, The Juice is fickle. It comes and goes with the times. In most cases someone gets The Juice by taking it from someone else.
As illustration, Marcy has The Juice here in Frogopolis. Heck, she doesn’t even need a last name, she’s got so much. Only nudniks like Sam “The Dumber” Wurzelwhatever dare take her on. Everyone else just hopes to fall into her favor so they might share in a bit of The Juice.
The Juice is as addicting as it is intoxicating. Folks who feel one downdraft of The Juice are usually instantly sucked into wanting more. It leads to all kinds of nastiness and absurdity.
Take Toledo Councilman Rob Who?deman. This no-name has inexplicably been on Council for nearly two straight decades, doing little of consequence. He has run for Mayor, but most folks never noticed. Then last fall he finished first out of twelve contestants for his At-Large seat, even finishing ahead of former Mayor Jack Ford. Did he finally have The Juice?
Then there’s Council Member who finished third in that election, her very first. Perhaps she has The Juice, too!
One rule about The Juice. Folks who have it know they have it. Who?deman and Spang decided to check and see if they had it, which is a sure indication they don’t, with disastrous results.
See, the Unca Dennis Administration is on the cusp of an historic announcement about the redevelopment of Southwyck. This could surely prove that Hizzoner has The Juice, although more likely it belongs to his Director of Econ Development, Matt Sapara. This is South Toledo, Hizzoner’s old district. But Who?deman formerly represented it, and Spang lives there. What to do to prove they have The Juice?
Of course, call a press conference and try to steal the spotlight! The duo dropped a dud, announcing possible parties to the pending deal. This disrupted negotiations, angered others the City might be courting, and could end up destroying the project altogether.
This brings up a second rule. Don’t try to steal The Juice, because it can’t be done. The Juice finds you, not the other way around.
J Fo no go
Back to J Fo. He once inarguably had The Juice. Former House Minority Leader. Former Mayor. Then his Juice got challenged by Carty, who also had The Juice and beat J Fo in the oh five election, proving Carty had even more Juice.
J Fo has been simmering ever since. Sure, he got elected to Toledo School Board, that lowest office on The Juice totem pole. He wanted an appointment to Council, but didn’t have The Juice. Then he got elected to Council, but finished second to Who?deman.
J Fo wants to prove he still has The Juice, that intoxicating, addictive and fickle lover. So he toyed with running for even higher office this year, like Lieutenant Governor, before settling on State Senate.
One little bump in the road, though. Seems he might have broken state election law by filing to run as an “independent.” A hearing is set for later in August. A hearing that might determine whether he has The Juice.
Forget it, J Fo. There’s one more rule in play here. If you have to rely on a hearing, there’s no question about it.
You ain’t got The Juice.
