Yard signs are a staple of the political season.
They come in two basic sizes. Small cardboard yard signs on metal wires are intended for the lawns of average supporters in low visibility locations. They are relatively inexpensive, running around a dollar per sign, plus wires and assembly.
Larger, mini-billboards are significantly more expensive. Printed on sturdy plastic and mounted on fence poles, they typically cost thirty dollars or more just for the sign itself. They are intended for high visibility areas like street corners with high traffic volumes or commercial establishments.
But the signs are more than mere pieces of cardboard or polyethylene. They are attempts to create a brand, to convey an image for the politician they represent. Read the signs as advertisements and you get a closer glimpse of the candidate.
Carty party
Take Toledo’s 2015 race for mayor. There are currently three declared candidates with a fourth and Finklier aspirant waiting in the wings. Actually the Fink is waiting on high visibility street corners on a daily basis, standing with his rabid true-believer supporters.
Carty has yet to admit that he is a candidate as of this writing. But really, kidz. What non-candidate wanders dangerously into traffic while eager beavers wave frantically and chant strange slogans? Either Carty is a mental case megalomaniac, or he’s running for mayor. Most likely both.
What do his signs tell us about him? They are emblazoned with a stylized Toledo skyline and the slogan, “Carty gets results.” You know what else gets results? Carpet bombing. And the ebola virus.
That’s the Carty brand. He gets results, alright. Road rage, misogynistic attacks on female staffers, and running up huge deficits. Heck, many of Toledo’s current problems can be laid at Carty’s feet. He gave away the store to City employees with contracts that forced the City to pay the entirety of their pension contributions. He fiddled while the sewer and water systems burned. And he was more concerned with the number of miles coated with a fresh top coat than with actually rebuilding Toledo’s streets.
Carty gets results. Just like a good enema. And eerily similar.
Sticker shock
The signs for D. Michael Collins’ widow reveal much about her candidacy. Sandy Drabik Collins’ signs look identical to those of her late husband. Look a bit closer, and they even reveal why she changed her name, and why the lifelong Republican hack is now claiming to be an “independent.”
You see, her signs don’t just look like D. Michael’s signs. They actually ARE D. Michael’s signs. She took his campaign cash for her own, then had teeny weeny stickers printed. Now, where once it said “D. Michael” above the large “Collins,” little stickers are affixed that say “Sandy Drabik.” Transformation complete. No political party on the signs? Fine, Sandy will also call herself an independent.
The commandeering of her husband’s signs are a good indicator of her commandeering of his memory for her own political ambitions.
Then there’s incumbent Mayor Paula Hicks Hudson. She’s trying to brand herself as simply “Paula.” A folksy name, someone you trust and would invite up on your porch for lemonade. It’s more likely that her multiple last names make it hard to fit on a yard sign. Or to remember at the polls.
So she’s just Paula. Thrust into the limelight by situations beyond her control.
Last, there’s Opal Covey. Her yard signs promise a pot of gold for every Toledoan.
Seriously, folks, a pot of real gold! Opal promises a pot of gold to every darned one of us!
‘Nuff said about the mental state of Toledo’s prophetess. Three and a half months until we sort it all out at the polls.
