As avid readers of our rabid rantings recall, last column we began handicapping this year’s at-large city council race in T-Town. We began with the hilarious notion that disgraced and indicted former council member Gary Johnson would consider showing his face in city politics again. Yeah, no. We then broke down the status of current incumbents, and opined that the race was still wide open.
This column was intended to be a neat capitulation of non incumbents who might join the fray, and how they might fare. Instead, as so often happens here in Froggy Bottom, this column wrote itself.
Conspiracy theory
Not to be outdone by the likes of Johnson, co-indictee Larry Sykes went one better and actually pulled petitions to collect signatures to get on the ballot for re-election. Never mind his ongoing federal court case for conspiracy and extortion in office. Or the fact that, if convicted of a felony, he is barred from elected office. Or that he’ll get publicly eaten alive by his opponents and public opinion.
Seriously, it might not be as ridiculous as it appears. Witness one James Traficant, convicted of felony offenses while serving in the US House from Northeast Ohio. After his expulsion from the House, he ran for election from federal prison. To be clear, Larry, he lost miserably. Got thousands of votes, though.
Or take Mel Carnahan. He was elected to serve in the US Senate in November of two thousand. Only problem was he had died in a plane crash three weeks earlier.
Talk about dead man walking. If Missouri can elect the dearly departed, mebbe Frogtown will elect the lately indicted. Great googley moogley we hope not.
What’s up, doc?
Sykes’ quixotic attempt to beat the feds notwithstanding, there are plenty of other wannabes crowding the candidate field. So many, in fact, the LC Dems couldn’t get enough. They inexplicably endorsed seven candidates for six seats.
Joining elected incumbents Katie Moline and Nick Komives and appointed incumbents Cerssandra MacPherson and Tiffany Preston Whitman are Dr. Michele Grim, Sam Harden, and Mac Driscoll.
We have no idea who Driscoll is, but we hope he gets elected if only for the looney tunes references we can use. Pardon me, Mac, can you help a fellow American who’s down on his luck? Imagine the possibilities!
Grim sounds like a good addition to Council, with her expertise in public health. She would also bring youth and gender balance to council. We don’t get the holier-than-thou use of the honorific “Dr.”, even if she is one. Candidates ‘round here do better if they’re just folks. But what the hey.
Harden is a Dem operative with a legal background. In most cases you’d say the last thing we need in politics is another lawyer. You’d be wrong, since there are currently exactly no lawyers on council, whose job is to make laws. So Harden sorta makes sense.
A killer idea
Such a crowded field of good candidates doesn’t seem to leave much space for a GOP breakthrough. That probably won’t stop the GOP from pushing their usual cabal of kooks, led by the kookiest of them all, Killer Tony Dia.
We’ve wasted way too many column inches documenting the horror that is the continued candidacy of Younes “Tony” Dia. From trying to capitalize on the heroic, tragic death of his son for his own personal gain, to a lengthy rap sheet that includes being a convicted killer, this is simply not a very good guy.
He tried to shore up his image by donating a building to a local boxing club. Only one problem. The boxing club was involved in an acrimonious split. Never one to waste an opportunity to convert the misfortune of others into opportunity for himself, Dia decided to take sides and use the split for his own devices.
Which leaves us back where we started. This is simply not a very good guy. He deserves as many votes as Sykes. And Johnson.
Which is to say, none.