Lindsaylocks and the Three Bears; Fairy Tales in City Politics

. January 31, 2018.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Lindsaylocks. For brevity, we’ll call her Lindsay. As in Webb.

Lindsay was lost in the forest. It was a big forest, dark and tangled with undergrowth. There were dangers in the forest, unseen terrors and merciless predators. She was lost, and hungry, and frightened.

It was intimidating, this forest the locals call Politica de Ciudad, which translates loosely to City Politics. Lindsay didn’t want to be there. She had wandered in by accident.

See, Lindsay had once wanted to be a lawyer. She had gone to law school and gotten her degree. Then the pesky Bar Exam got in the way, and Lindsay changed her course.

So there she was, in the foreboding forest of City Politics. But it was her lucky day! Ahead, in the clearing, was a neat and tidy little cottage called Council de Ciudad, which translates loosely to City Council.

She ran, and she tried the door. It was open and she she stepped on in.

Once Lindsay was inside the comfy confines of City Council, she felt right at home.  First, to satisfy her hunger, she stumbled into the vote for Presidency of City Council, and saw three choices. First, she tried voting for Michael Ashford, but he was too hot. Then she tried voting for Mark Sobczak, but he was too cold. Then, right before the vote, something told her to lie to Ashford, pledging her vote to him, then switch her vote to Sobczak, at the last moment. It was devious and underhanded, but apparently, that felt just right.

Lindsay was still hungry. So she decided to run for re-election.  She saw three choices. First, she could follow the city charter and respond to the Board of Elections within five days of turning in her petitions, confirming her intention to run for office. But that was too hard. Or she could blow off the charter, refuse to reply in the time required, and get kicked off the ballot. But that was too soft.

Instead, Lindsay decided to blow off the charter, respond late to the Board of Elections, then go to court to complain about getting kicked off the ballot. Spending thousands of dollars to fight the court battle gave her a reason to make a fundraising plea and raise even more money for her campaign. And she won her place back on the ballot, and then won re-election. The move was described by some as lazy and selfish, but that was just right.

Now Lindsay was sleepy. She wanted to rest in a cozy bed, the Treasurer’s Office, by being appointed to the empty seat left after the former Treasurer became the Mayor. She had three choices.  First, she could admit  to the Dems Central Committee that she had significant financial problems in her past and probably wasn’t credit-worthy enough to be Treasurer, and tell them they should appoint someone else. But that was too hard.

Or she could feign some illness or other excuse, and bow out of the race quietly, thereby keeping her little junk bond credit score a secret.  But that was too soft. 

So she decided to throw caution to the wind and seek the appointment.  And then, when no reputable bonding company would take the significant financial risk on her bankrupt-worthy low-credit self, she could comment about being a victim, plead that she was just like many others, struggling to pay her bills, and stick the taxpayer with a hefty bill to cover her high-risk bond status.

It was sneaky, and deceitful.  And that worked just right. 

Heck, it’s her basic MO. Lindsay doesn’t think the rules pertain to her. She just goes by whatever’s most self-serving, then plays the victim and blames everyone else for her own failures.  She seems to have no problem shaping the truth to get what she wants. And now she’s the County Treasurer.

Except the story isn’t over yet. Lindsay’s sleeping soundly in the Treasurer’s Office comfy bed. But remember the end of the children’s story when the bears are coming home. But the bears in this story, we mean the voters, who might get angry and who have yet to ratify Lindsay’s smug and costly coup. She must face a primary election in May and a General Election in November. 

When the bears come home and find her in the bed, she might finally get her comeuppance. Whether it’s too hard, too soft, or just right.

Will Lindsaylocks live happily ever after?