Bored of Elections Turmoil

. April 6, 2017.

And then there were two.

We have previously written about the incumbent at-large reps on Toledo City Council, and how three of them face uphill battles for re-election. You can now rewrite that last clause. Two of them face uphill battles for re-election. Because one of the three likely won’t be on the ballot, she’ll be writing the ballot.


That would be octogenarian Theresa M. Gabriel, who squeaked onto council by a few dozen votes back in twenty thirteen. The Notorious T.M.G. has spent decades milking the public teat, tapped by He Who Shall Not Be Named to serve in various capacities in his several administrations.

Notorious was a lifelong Republican. Which isn’t surprising, given her age, the fact that she’s African American, and the fact that the Republican Party was once the anti-slavery and pro-Reconstruction party. In the eighteen fifties, sixties and seventies. And no, she isn’t quite that old.

Then she decided to run for Council in Democrat-friendly Toledo. She did what any political animal would do. What then-Republican He Who Shall Not Be Named did in the nineteen seventies. She declared herself to be an Independent.

Her publicly stated reason was that the GOP was being unduly mean to the first African American President, Barack Obama. Which shouldn’t have been surprising, since the GOP has been the anti-civil rights party since opposing the Civil Rights Act of nineteen sixty-four. Somehow it came as a surprise to Notorious, so she proudly proclaimed to have left the GOP behind, fifty years later, once she decided the only way to grab the public teat again was to become a Council member.

Fast forward to last week. Facing an uphill battle for re-election (see above). How to keep milking that teat?


Easy peesy. The Bored of Elections has been thrown into turmoil. Again. They’re looking for a new Director. Notorious to the rescue!

It shook down like this. Jon Stainbrook, local GOP chair, wanted the GOP Director, Gina Kaczala, thrown out on her ear. He also wanted a job. So he connived to get GOP board members appointed who would hire him for the ninety-G-per-year gig.

This is the same Jon Stainbrook who was removed from the board by the secretary of state for malfeasance just a few short years ago. The Dem board members were having none of it. So the vote on the four member board, evenly split between Ds and Rs, tied at two to two. The GOP members then nominated some tugboat captain dude, whose name is so forgettable we’ll just call him Steamboat Willie. Ds said “Huh?”, and the vote again tied.
The very same secretary of state who had once removed Stainbrook and cleaned out the board broke the tie votes with a resounding “No way!” and also removed one of the GOP board members. This sent the Rs scrambling. How to replace Kaczala with an acceptable choice? Someone new and fresh without excess baggage, perhaps, but with some requisite knowledge of the elections office operation? A young and energetic manager, who knows how to run an office and how to get the most out of people?

Nope. An eighty year old political hack named Notorious. Only one problem. She has no experience in an elections office. Oh, wait, another problem. By law, the elections office has to be evenly split between Ds and Rs. Assistant Director LaVera Scott, with long experience in the office, is a D, a member of the local D executive committee. But Notorious had publicly renounced the GOP. She was even recently in the news as a proudly Independent ex-Repuglican.

Nope again. She lied. Seems she drew a Repuglican ballot in twenty sixteen, which legally makes her a political pachyderm. And a liar. Which some would call the same thing.
Oh well. Whatever it takes for ninety Gs from the public teat. Without the pesky risks of running for re-election. To a job on Council that pays less than one-third that much.

Notorious T.M.G. was nominated to the Assistant Director position by the lone remaining GOP board member, with Scott moving up to Director. Notorious was approved by a three-to-zero vote, and now must be approved by the secretary of state.

If she is, Council must appoint her replacement. And no, kidz, it will not be He Who Shall Not Be Named.

Or will it…?