Before they close — 5 Thoughts I’ve Had at The House of Eats

. August 24, 2016.
micah.thehoe

Want a sandwich stuffed with tater tots, pulled pork and mac n’ cheese that’s prepared by a “grill monkey?” You don’t have to fall into some sort of Garfield/Cheech and Chong fever dream to conquer those carbs. Tucked away into the back of the Bier Stube is the gluttonous paradise The House of Eats (HOE), owned by Micah Risher. 

Since February 2011, the HOE has helped resolve both the munchies, and the more specific empty-my-debit-card-for-something-melty craving that comes with the drunkies. 

“Our food philosophy is that there is no single right or wrong answer when it comes to flavor, except that you can’t make good food out of bad food,” says Risher. “Quality ingredients are as important as the skill with which the food is prepared.”

Hungry? Take advantage of it. The HOE will soon close up shop at the Stube. While Risher says they will be back soon, with their next evolution landing downtown, the HOE will stay strong until their annual holiday— Saint Phatty’s Day on September 17. For chicken fried bacon and sweet potatoes, drunken bananas foster, pork belly poutine and more, stay tuned.     

Before HOE takes their break, we encourage you to enter their world of carefree carbs and full-fat goodness. First, prepare yourself: Every time I dine (read: shove food into my face) at HOE, I have the following five thoughts: 

1) “Is this a berry sauce? What is this?” 

No, it’s ketchup. Seriously. To craft their homemade ketchup, HOE chefs venture into a day-long, tedious process— a seriously unreasonable thing to do unless you really love food prep. Fortunately, HOE chefs LOVE to prep, and the taste is incredible. Thinner and more fruity-flavored than the major brands, HOE’s ketchup is one of their many signature, homemade sauces that make you drool. See Bloody Mary Mayo for a similar example.

2) “Side of fries? Nah. Just throw them on top.” 

Sure, I could get fried potatoes on the side… but this ain’t your typical diner. At HOE, you can just have them “throw em on top.” Having a sandwich? Put fries inside of it. Soup? Add tater tots. Salad? Whatever. Palm of your hand? Just do your thing. 

3) “Mac n’ cheese is a sauce??”

Unless you’re a babysitter, mac n’ cheese isn’t impressive. Sure, maybe you’ve made it from scratch. Whatever. You know what is impressive? Flipping the script and using the putting the mac n’ cheese on top of fries. Or tots. Or chicken chunks. HOE firmly believes that this classic pasta dish can basically be used as a gluttonous dressing for food that is already unnecessarily caloric. We are thankful for this revelation. 

4) “Hah! At least that guy’s food is more fattening than mine.”

Stop kidding yourself. He might have lettuce under that mound of fried chicken and onion rings. Or something. I don’t know— 0and you don’t either. Forget that your mozzarella stick wrap or 10 inch sandwich is definitely going to require more than one lazy elliptical session at the gym— it’s OK. Just enjoy The Soul Food Coma. It’s all gravy. Literally.

5) “Will I regret this later?”

Probably. What did you think this was— a therapy session? This is an ode to gluttony. Just eat. 

The House of Eats is located inside The Bier Stube
5333 Monroe St. | 419-841-6723
Open 11am-2am daily
Check out the menu online at houseofeats.com